Thorn in the Heart

The last three weeks for me have been hard because tempation has been strong and I've experienced gut-wrenching (emotional) pain that I didn't know was there. A Facebook friend suggested it was probably some unresolved pain from the past; I prayed about it and found out that there is indeed a thorn in my heart. It stems from rejection I experienced from my father when I was 14, at a critical time in my life when I needed his love, guidance, and support. Over the years that hurt converted into toxic anger- one that was turned at myself, my dad, and others. The pus of that wound has not only lead to anger issues but unforgiveness.


Just knowing this is ... amazing: I feel as if a veil has been lifted off my eyes! When it all occurred to me (when I was at school) I locked myself in a room and broke down in tears. I felt the thorn coming out of my heart... Now I can honestly say there's no more anger towards my dad- God has stripped that away. I honestly say I no longer feel angry at my dad but sincerely forgive him and want to be reconciled. (Right now I feel like crying just writing this post!)

As painful and emotionally draining as this has all been I'm so glad that God's bringing it out, like sucking out a poisonous snake bite. But while forgiving my dad and others who've hurt me (like bullies at school) I also want to be forgiven and reconciled with those who've been on the receiving end of my anger. I'm so grieved at my sin, at the anger that I've turned against others (including my dad), that I sometimes cry over it. I lament those damaged relationships and I'd do anything to turn back the clock and undo the damage... I would give my eyes to be brought back into safe, trusting fellowship with those people again.


I realise this sounds like a weeping counselling session (LOL) but I make absolutely no apology for that. I feel so emotional about God, with an emotional intensity that I've not experienced before. In Sydney I experienced healing but I never did with the emotional intensity that I feel now... (not that Sydney's bad or anything but my faith there was a lot more cerebral than it is here.) I'm just loving it... Knowing how much God cares for me is so overwhelming!!

Thanks for reading.
* victory님에 의해서 게시물 이동되었습니다 (2012-12-16 21:31)